Tuesday, September 7, 2010
We look at each other in the eye, and it's no use.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
This Music Is Cool As Fuck
Friday, May 7, 2010
My blog has schizophrenia





Sunday, April 25, 2010
Affinity for many sorts of nonsense
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
You're killing me, Smalls!
"Why can't I! It's just not fair. I don't want anything else in life. Just once is all I would need. ONCE."
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I was without weather
Monday, April 12, 2010
The Two-Way
The middle aged bartender asks me what I want to drink. I take one more glance around the bar and order a whiskey coke. She slides it to me.
So, I stay for a drink. My gal friend is meeting me, so I don't really have a choice. "Why this dump?" I contemplate for a breif moment until the television catches my eye. Some new drama that I've never heard of is playing on abc. It's better than nothing... I indulge.
She ends up walking in the front door five minutes later; some guy in a red cap follows her in. They don't appear to know each other, but she sits at the empty seat next to me and he pulls out the empty stool next to her. I find this unsettling, but decide to quell any brewing thoughts of the situation .
"How was your day?" she asks casually.
My head is buried in my arms. I look up and complacently respond "I woke up weird."
"Well, what else is new?" she says sort of annoyed "today was long. i'm exhausted and am feeling mildly brain dead."
The bartender hubbles over and takes my friend's drink order. She also decides on a whiskey. Red hat man orders a lite beer. I see him instantly gulp half of it down and I shudder. I've never felt so repulsed by a stranger before. My friend doesn't seem to be bothered, yet. We continue to talk mindlessly about our day while sipping on our drinks and every so often glancing at the tv.
"So, wheres you from?" i hear a surprisingly high voice for someone of the male gender ask. It's Red Hat. He's turned to my friend and attempting to make conversation with her. I want to die. She responds hesitantly, but out of politeness "Here." That's a lie.
"What about your friend, eh? Is she from around these parts too?"
My friends knows to respond for me "Yes." Another lie.
"What do you guys do? Are you both students? I work the 3rd shift out in the airport kitchens...mostly prepping things, you know how that goes..."
Actually, I don't know how that goes and if I find out I might just vomit. my mind races. I end up telling him that we are both English majors so that the common denominators between us become more distant. I also tell him that I hate food. Burning bridges before they're built...I'm good at that.
Now, I'm not doing this out of pure hatered for society. I adore having new conversations with people, however, can there ever be a night where two girls can go out for a drink with out being bothered by one single person? It's not possible. All men are savages.
"Soooo, what do you girls...like?"
I don't answer and look at my friend. I can tell that her comfort level has gone askew. I tell her to down her fucking drink. She complies and we grab our things faster than a jack rabbit. We tell him we're going out for a smoke. He says he'll join us. We respond in unison with a dissatisfied "ok."
As we all make our way out the door Red Hat realizes that he left something inside. He steps back in after telling us "he'll be right back". We see this window of opportunity and after peering into the bar through the glass window and locking eye contact of understanding we're thinking the exact same thing....we both start running. I'm ahead of my friend and I hear her yell "TAKE A RIGHT! HURRY!" It's not even a block and I'm already out of breath. I'm wondering if this is what adrenalin rushes are like, it's been a while.I take a quick turn down some alley and start to slow down. My friend follows suit and we find a nice part of the brick wall to lean against. Out of breath, we both light a cigarette.
"Did we really just do that?" she asks bewildered and almost laughing.
"Yep. Today was just not the day to conform to social norms." I say.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Hi, Hello Home
I can't relate. I come here and feel comfortable, sure...a little too comfortable even. Being comfortable doesn't necessarily mean that you're part of something though and I think deep down that's what everyone desires. Familiarity often leads to boredom, which is the exact reason why I had to escape while I could. I'm happy where I am and this place forces me to grow, whether I like it or not.
I'll always go back to my roots to feel nostalgic, but a final return will never happen, as long as I can help it. In defense of my upbringing there are places in Green Bay that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Here are those places. My pseudo-yelp review of Green Bay in it's entirety.

Antique Store
Every time I'm back in town I make it a point to stop in here. I could get lost for hours. It's basically a flea market full of the best vintage goods one could possibly hope for. No one is ever in there besides the owner. This place just makes me smile and feel like a mesmerized child. I usually walk away with some hand-sown vintage dress, postcards and presents for those who mean something to me.

Zesty's
Just about everyday during my grammar school days, I'd walk the mile with all of my buddies dressed in plaid pleated schoolgirl skirts and get the “Flavor of the Day”. Best custard in all of Wisconsin. Did I mention this place is 50's themed? And not in a tacky “we want to make money” sort of way? Well, maybe it is now...the novelty of the place has certainly worn off...but back in it's Hay Day...this place was my Rushmore.

Kroll's West
In the shadow of Lambeau Field. This is where everyone who is anyone gets fucked up before Packer games. It rules. Seriously. Cover Bands? Check. Cheese Curds? Check. An overwhelming abundance of Miller Lite? Check. Locals dressed in green and gold zebra print Zumbas? Double check. Butter Burgers? Good god....CHECK! I go here every time I'm home without fail.

Gas Stations
Only Green Bay would sell Davey Crocket hats (suitably next to the shirts with dog faces and lighter fluid) at their gas station.

Lambeau field
LAAAAAAAAAAAAAMBEEEEEEEAAAAAAUUUUUUUU FEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIILLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I honestly cannot even write a proper review for this place that can fully justify my unconditional love. If I could live here, I would. Apparently they allow weddings here, though....next best thing.

Some house that Caitlin “house-sits” for
The older couple who lives here rules. They are on the board of directors for the Packers. They have an entire room full of packer paraphernalia. They have a sauna, indoor pool, steam room, awesome dog named Molly, sun room, backyard to die for, amazing view of the entire city....I could really go on. I'm not rich by any means, so whenever my best friend Caitlin stays here...I get to pretend that I'm worthy of such luxuries.

CC's Bowling Alley
This place is right down the street from the barn that Caitlin works at. They have beers for like 70 cents....my mind was BLOWN the first time I went here. Friday night fish fries are probably amongst my top 20 favorite things of all time. Beer battered perch. Need I say more? Plus, it's crowded with old people who dress like cowboys.

Al's Hamburgers
You want a flashback? You got it. I used to come here all the time with my dad during his lunch break at work. We'd sit at the counter and talk to Al. He'd start us off with the usual Coke for my dad and a Chocolate Malt for me. Their malts are the best...they don't skimp on the ice cream and give you all the leftovers...two-malts-in-one, I'd always think. In the duration of all the chitter-chatter with the locals and a half devoured malt later...our cheeseburgers with a side of fries would be ready for consumption. Their patties are handmade and they have the best goddamn cooked down onions in the world...they disintegrate right next to the burgers on the large open grill. It'd take my dad and I approximately 10 minutes to finish our meal. We'd leave feeling like someone just gave us an hour long hug. This place will always be close to my heart.
I know my review of Green Bay is dominated by food, but it's what makes me feel comforted, okay? I'll always love this place and will always come back simply for my great friends that live there and my family that I adore. Although, these places are remnants of my past...I still have much to discover.
Dear Chicago,
You are my oyster.
Love,
Jen
Sunday, April 4, 2010
The Moon Was High
"It matters the world to me. Can your small mind even comprehend how terrified I was to even share this idea with you? Can your female brain wrap itself around a single suggestion for once?"
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
She Can Say
Let's move on...I cannot disguise my flaws, Sir. It's not as if I don't want to, but you're going to be able to read my mind and I hope you're willing to accept that. My emotions at times can cause physical sickness, although this common occurrence has been well restrained when necessary over constant, and i mean constant self training and discipline.
What is really important here, and this is just me saying this, just between you and I, I know how to do this. It's mindless to me, Sir. Don't ask me how or why this is so, since I don't ask you how it's possible that you can breath and blink without thought. You may think I'm coming off as this "higher-than-thou" sort of character, I get it, man. What you're forgetting, is that my brutal honesty can come off as a little harsh..I realize this...perhaps I should have apologized ahead of time. Sometimes over-excitement is uncontrollable. Who has ever complained about that though? Right?
Now, I see you're still chuckling a bit still and I'm not entirely sure what for. Why, you must take this seriously now, Sir. Just as I am.
Without taking up too much of your valued time, let me just wrap this up with a little food for thought. I guarantee you won't find anyone who's a better fit. There may be different options, but consider what's logical here. If adding a creative perspective on this will help things along, by all means, might I suggest you closing your eyes and picturing what things would be like. Lest you not forget I should be, hopefully will in the near future be, featured in this prospective dream of yours. Let the imagination take over! This could almost be fun for you, Chap.
Once you have properly muddled these things over, I will allow you to state your opinion. Agreed?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
A Walking Nike Advertisement
The times when you feel weak and you have to crawl inside yourself because no one else "gets it" have their benefits. Once you have enough breakdowns you learn how to pick yourself up and move forward. Sometimes you need to hit the lows enough times that you get so sick of being stuck in these moments of shit that refuse to even get close to feeling that way again. Sometimes you have to pick yourself up because no one else is going to. So you pick yourself up. You tell yourself you're going to be fine and live on your own terms...to hell with anyone who doesn't oblige.
Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself in order to be strong for others. Sometimes you don't want to muster up the will power and would rather just become complacent, but you'll never learn and you'll never grow. Sometimes you have to be strong when no one else is going to be, even if you're feeling weak. So you push yourself and you pick yourself up and you become strong because you don't have a choice. You have nothing but yourself.
Monday, March 8, 2010
I don't need no wah-wah
I've never marked myself as superficial. History will show I've got an eclectic taste for guys, but it's all because they're different from the rest. Doesn't matter if your nose is big or your shirt is weird, spark my interest with something smart and I'm knocking at your door. They always have be smarter than me too, don't they? Can't be having someone who's just playing catch-up...I want to chase that attitude for as far as the eye can see.
He tells me he wants to make me happy and give me things. I tell him I am happy and what I want doesn't matter. He says he doesn't care about himself and needs direction. I say I'm probably more lost than most and if he follows me into the jungle he's just going to get eaten alive. He tells me he has always loved me. I tell him this is getting to be touchy. He asks if I'm mad at him. I tell him I'm not mad. I look him dead in the eye and tell him that I'm sorry. I mean it, too. I'll never be able to accept him for who he is.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Quit smoking, Pledge to NPR
It's that time of year where the seasonal depression starts winding down and people start remembering and/or realizing what's important to them. Let me tell you about one of the things that's important to me.
I listen to NPR every morning, when I'm in my car, and sometimes when I'm in my bedroom doing absolutely nothing (such as now). Journalism is in dire need of not only people's awareness, but their support. Currently, Chicago Public Radio is doing a "March to a Million" which is a fundraiser to keep public radio alive! I'm not even sure how much society would decline from the loss of NPR, considering I cannot state the number of people who actually pay attention to current events. What I do know is that listening to the radio is just about the easiest way to stay up to date with what's going on in the world. NO READING REQUIRED! Amazing.
Since I am an avid listener, I donate $15.00 a month to have people tell me what's happening in the world outside of my brain. Instead of buying a pack of cigarettes, quit smoking and donate money to something you care about. If you don't smoke, quit buying your $5 latte's everyday. If you don't do caffeine, stop eating out at Potbelly (or whatever fast-food joint of your choice is) so frequently. Be more aware of where your money is going! Cutting back on simple things like this and putting a small amount of your pay towards something you genuinely care about can make one's day brighter. Trust me.
I need to keep this post short, but just in case anyone actually reads this...let me give you the details and promote the support of public radio and the benefits of doing so!
Step One: Go to chicagopublicradio.org and find the link to pledge.
Step Two: Pick the High Fidelity plan where you pledge monthly. You can choose as little as ONE DOLLAR to donate. Depending on how much you donate, you receive a free gift for doing so...and they're pretty sweet. I was torn between a year's subscription to the New Yorker and a Biker Pack which includes a free backpack, bike light, water bottle and membership to I-Go. You also currently get a tree planted in your name. Pretty sweet, huh?
Step Three: Donate monthly and feel the burn of goodwill.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Note To Self #1
I'm going to try out this commentary on life deal out...let me explain: I've compiled various ramblings in my head, onto my Blackberry which I have lost and found numerous times. That is the only hint I can give as to when these thoughts occurred. There really is not specific time line and I cannot and will not share who or what these thoughts are connected to. I might start doing this once in a great while...filter my brain out.
In no particular order.
2. boy roasting beans, you are handsome.
3. the asians are dominating the big wooden table.
4. nice hair asshole.
5. this apricot compote is blowing my mind.
6. i fucking hate this song. i can't stop snapping my fingers. damn you rivers.
7. feeling like charlie from high fidelity.
8. great i have no fucking money, i'm going to kill everyone.
9. this person on the train is reading a book that i love. my day is made.
10. can't wake up with out thinking about him.
11. charlie kaufman's doppelganger is at the two way everybody. apparently, he's into circle scarves made by his friends.
12. "i feel like he died, your his wife and they sent you his writing"
13. "sometimes i feel like a warden."
14. note to self: don't forget to buy chorizo for mom.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Shangri la
I always want to come back. Always. So, I come back. I miss it and I feel the pull. I need the fast pace and I need the drive of others. There's a sigh of relief when I see the skyline. The people are wrapped up in their own little worlds. You go out and they don't look at you twice; this is how it always is. Always. I stay close to what's familiar and leave with whatever intrigues me.




Monday, February 15, 2010
Chinatown
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Outside.

It gets hard to remember what it's like. Almost complete darkness is mandatory. The moon and stars come to center stage and it gets hard to pull my eyes away from anything else. It doesn't matter if I'm laying in the grass or sitting on the 5x5 cement front porch. Controlled immobility. Relaxed breathing. Time becomes non-existent which is the best relief to exist. Thoughts begin filtering through at the exact pace where I stop second guessing things. The probability of being interrupted is practically impossible since no one leaves the house after 9pm in these parts. You think I'm kidding? Porch lights are even off, they don't bother to keep them on anymore.
When the opportunity presents itself, I take full advantage. This is the only time in the world where I can function coherently. Most kids will say they need the distraction "to be one with the world", well, I've never felt more part of anything when I get it. I'm knowledgeable about everyone and everything...especially myself. The chips fall into place if you will.
This is silence and It's mine.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sub Zero Fun
"Yeah", I reply.
"Did you hand-wash all of those?"
"Yes...I mean, no what? They appear hand-washed but it's just because my washer didn't go through it's final spin cycle or something. I tried drying them, but then my dryer ate the quarters...so on and so forth. I just need to dry my clothes." I struggled for my words.
"Why did you say you hand-washed them if you didn't?"
"Because sometimes I unconsciously slip into this mode of utter contradiction."
"Wha-OKAY. Did you not read the sign? You can't just come here to dry your clothes. You could break the machine if you're not using my washers. I'd be throwing away thousands of dollars because you need to dry your clothes! You know nothing of the hazards!"
"Listen, my dryer is broken. I just want to dry my clothes. I'm sorry, I usually do both here, but it just so happens I tried giving my basement facility a shot and it failed me ."
"This one time only, young lady. Never do this again, you hear me? I don't have time to put up with some little girl's nonsense."
"Okay. I am sorry, again."
Hours pass...I convince myself that consuming a fresh pan of Potatoes Au Gratin is more important that anything else that could possibly be happening in my life. My mind aches on the inconvenience of doing laundry. "If only I could stop wiping my dirty hands on that pair of jeans I wear daily, I wouldn't have to worry about this shit." This brings me to the realization of having to possibly face the rudest laundromat owner I have ever encountered, which isn't saying much. But things must be accomplished, so I decide to walk across the street.
The snow has gotten worse. Upon arrival I see my clothes sitting in a basket. The dryer is empty and my first thought is "who could even bare the thought of touching my laundry?"
"HEY. YOUNG LADY where have you been? It has been over three hours! Did you not see the sign? Clothes must be taken out immediately.... or a fire might happen!"It's the same guy.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Time got away from me...I didn't mean to ignore my laundry duties," I not so confidently explain.
"Listen, young lady...you are really walking the line of disrespect. You can not leave your laundry around. Someone could steal your clothes! I'm going to tell you to not come back here again, OKAY?"
I feel awkward. As I pick up my basket of black half dried clothing, I let out a deep sigh..."Sorry, guy." I feel defeated. Walking towards the door I hear the Polak shout "I'm serious!" I just shake my head and bow out.
The snow is coming down in such a fashion that I can hardly see my apartment building across the street. Closing my eyes to keep the snowflakes out was a mistake. I trip on the curb. My clothes and I fall in the only part of the road that is full of slush. I lay on the side of the road in absolute shock and boarder line fury. The door to the laundromat swings open and I hear a familiar voice say "Hey you young lady, so you going to need to washer and dryer then?"
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Hopey, Changey Stuff

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE tea parties. I've even recently purchased a lovely, yellow vintage teapot the other day for $10 more than I should have! I splurge on organic honey for that new twist on sweetness. Although...of all the possible subjects one could choose to bring up while sipping on a warm cup of green minty goodness, why the love of a country?
For one, I would think my fellow Tea Partiers would be slightly offended by me questioning with much enthusiasm, "Do you love your freedom?" I wasn't even aware that people were still asking that question? One would think after a while, this whole "free will" thing would be simply understood.
Now, I'm not going to question those who are still unsure if we are currently living in a free country or not...even the most loyal of our country, who shout with such pride, "MERICUH"...sometimes are looking for a simple reminder (juuuust in case they forget where they are.) There is nothing wrong with that. My memory is terrible. Sometimes I forget to start my car before I start driving it. Shit happens.
The secret to having a successful Tea Party is to first of all, invite EVERYONE, preferably the entire nation. Then you have to pretend that you're not a failure in life and redundantly pick on those who are actually trying to accomplish something. AND THEN you have to openly say things like, "This was all part of that hope and change and transparency. Now, a year later, I gotta ask the supporters of all that, 'How's that hopey, changey stuff working out?'" and expect people to take you seriously afterward. Finally and this may be the most important thing to remember...when someone asks you a serious question, never give them a direct answer. If possible, beat around the bush for as long as possible and just when they think you're going to come to a conclusion, tell everyone to "Have a good night!"
As people in Nashville left the most successful Tea Party to date, which was closed out by patriotic superstar, Sarah Palin, attendees were asked "What made you attend THIS Tea Party out of all the other ones happening this week?" majority answered, "I thought there was going to be free shit."
Saturday, February 6, 2010
What is he building in there?
It's comforting when I walk the stairs to the dimly lit table in the back and see him sitting at the far left corner. He's the watchman. Harry probably won't look at you while you're getting your work done, but he'll certainly acknowledge your initial presence and will always say goodbye when leaving. I can hardly understand a fucking word he says. I don't think anyone really can. I am almost positive he's a genius.
I think I'm getting ahead of myself though...I wanted to set up a real scenery for you. Let's talk about the coffee shop. Harry's domain, if you will. This coffee shop is a place where all homework, side-work, fun-work is fully accomplished. The people here have focus and I like it. The couple in the corner have made a make-shift home office. The guy even has his shoes off for crying-out-loud and is using the decorative pillows as his laptop rest. Instead of going in-depth about decor, let's just say it looks like small house that is owned by an artist who is very conscious of lighting...are you still with me?
Harry is the ultimate observer. He sits there soaking everyone's creative energy in. The man does have a laptop. What is he writing so intently about? Let's be honest here... this is Breakfast at Tiffany's except there is no expensive jewelry and no story line that involves the concept of love. What isn't realized is that we're all being fooled. We're all part of his next great novel or crappy article on some web page that no one has heard of. Either way, we're a part of it.
Harry says, "Have a nice day" and the back of my mind chimes "Thanks for the material."
Friday, February 5, 2010
I'm your "Yes" girl.
"You're a product of your environment. You surround yourself with idiots, with people who don't care about you."
"Sorry for assuming that maybe a few of these supposed idiots could be genuinely interested in my point of view. I don't expect the worst from people and maybe I'm a fucking fool for that. If I need to shut myself out for a while and simply do nothing but educate myself without the slightest bit of affection in between, then so be it. I like how you question my capability of enjoying the pleasure of my own company. I'm so content with being alone that everyone else could really 'fuck off' and I'd still be trucking along."
"I think you care about this relationship too much. You need to focus on yourself."
"What the hell have I been saying for the past...however long? Are you listening to me?"
"The thing is, I don't trust you. You are a LIAR."
"I've told you nothing but the truth since we've started talking again. You're the reason I'm fucking obsessed with the truth now. I feel insane."
"I need to go let this dog in the house. I need to finish working. I have a busy day. Call me when your off of work and we can talk some more. Don't think about me."
"I'm going to think about this the rest of the day."
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Organs will start to fail me.
Blogging is comparable to throwing up your insides in small portions at random. Yeah.
This header is a dead give away that part of me is still 7 years old. Hi, I'm Jen...a 22 year old just trying to make friends with the internet.