Affinity for many sorts of nonsense

I'm almost positive it's impossible to meet or already know someone who understands what it is to be consistent. If I could have just one person in my life that had the slightest grasp on their own persona that would be great. If you happen to know or meet someone of this sort, please...I'm begging you...let me know. I'd kill for a person to trust, again.

If I could stop having small expectations for the human race I'd be making out just fine, huh? Yeah, you're right. Damnit. You win again society...you always do.

You're killing me, Smalls!

"You ain't never gonna be able to do it kid. Even if this were your final wish before death, you'd never be capable of doing it without any support. Sorry kid, better start looking for something else to dream about."
"Why can't I! It's just not fair. I don't want anything else in life. Just once is all I would need. ONCE."

"You got the guts, kid...but you're short as fuck. I'm sorry. You will never be able to dunk."

I was without weather

I woke up without weather. Nothing mattered or sparked my interest. Some funny things happened and I laughed for a little bit, but I didn't feel any sort of emotion. The people all looked and acted the same. Music makes me happy and I couldn't even hear it today. I recall it playing at some point, but I just couldn't hear it. It's the worst when you know people are trying to get a reaction from you and every response is utterly lack-luster. Complete immobility took over my entire raison d'etre.

The Two-Way

This bar is dingy. I can handle dive bars, hell I frequent them, but this place isn't filled with attractive, well-dressed, hip music listening 20-something year olds...it's filled with absolute filth. These people are from some sort of garbage underworld and all of them are drinking piss colored beverages.

The middle aged bartender asks me what I want to drink. I take one more glance around the bar and order a whiskey coke. She slides it to me.

So, I stay for a drink. My gal friend is meeting me, so I don't really have a choice. "Why this dump?" I contemplate for a breif moment until the television catches my eye. Some new drama that I've never heard of is playing on abc. It's better than nothing... I indulge.

She ends up walking in the front door five minutes later; some guy in a red cap follows her in. They don't appear to know each other, but she sits at the empty seat next to me and he pulls out the empty stool next to her. I find this unsettling, but decide to quell any brewing thoughts of the situation .

"How was your day?" she asks casually.
My head is buried in my arms. I look up and complacently respond "I woke up weird."
"Well, what else is new?" she says sort of annoyed "today was long. i'm exhausted and am feeling mildly brain dead."

The bartender hubbles over and takes my friend's drink order. She also decides on a whiskey. Red hat man orders a lite beer. I see him instantly gulp half of it down and I shudder. I've never felt so repulsed by a stranger before. My friend doesn't seem to be bothered, yet. We continue to talk mindlessly about our day while sipping on our drinks and every so often glancing at the tv.

"So, wheres you from?" i hear a surprisingly high voice for someone of the male gender ask. It's Red Hat. He's turned to my friend and attempting to make conversation with her. I want to die. She responds hesitantly, but out of politeness "Here." That's a lie.
"What about your friend, eh? Is she from around these parts too?"
My friends knows to respond for me "Yes." Another lie.
"What do you guys do? Are you both students? I work the 3rd shift out in the airport kitchens...mostly prepping things, you know how that goes..."

Actually, I don't know how that goes and if I find out I might just vomit. my mind races. I end up telling him that we are both English majors so that the common denominators between us become more distant. I also tell him that I hate food. Burning bridges before they're built...I'm good at that.

Now, I'm not doing this out of pure hatered for society. I adore having new conversations with people, however, can there ever be a night where two girls can go out for a drink with out being bothered by one single person? It's not possible. All men are savages.

"Soooo, what do you girls...like?"

I don't answer and look at my friend. I can tell that her comfort level has gone askew. I tell her to down her fucking drink. She complies and we grab our things faster than a jack rabbit. We tell him we're going out for a smoke. He says he'll join us. We respond in unison with a dissatisfied "ok."

As we all make our way out the door Red Hat realizes that he left something inside. He steps back in after telling us "he'll be right back". We see this window of opportunity and after peering into the bar through the glass window and locking eye contact of understanding we're thinking the exact same thing....we both start running. I'm ahead of my friend and I hear her yell "TAKE A RIGHT! HURRY!" It's not even a block and I'm already out of breath. I'm wondering if this is what adrenalin rushes are like, it's been a while.I take a quick turn down some alley and start to slow down. My friend follows suit and we find a nice part of the brick wall to lean against. Out of breath, we both light a cigarette.

"Did we really just do that?" she asks bewildered and almost laughing.
"Yep. Today was just not the day to conform to social norms." I say.

Hi, Hello Home

I can't relate. I come here and feel comfortable, sure...a little too comfortable even. Being comfortable doesn't necessarily mean that you're part of something though and I think deep down that's what everyone desires. Familiarity often leads to boredom, which is the exact reason why I had to escape while I could. I'm happy where I am and this place forces me to grow, whether I like it or not.

I'll always go back to my roots to feel nostalgic, but a final return will never happen, as long as I can help it. In defense of my upbringing there are places in Green Bay that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Here are those places. My pseudo-yelp review of Green Bay in it's entirety.

Antique Store

Every time I'm back in town I make it a point to stop in here. I could get lost for hours. It's basically a flea market full of the best vintage goods one could possibly hope for. No one is ever in there besides the owner. This place just makes me smile and feel like a mesmerized child. I usually walk away with some hand-sown vintage dress, postcards and presents for those who mean something to me.

Zesty's

Just about everyday during my grammar school days, I'd walk the mile with all of my buddies dressed in plaid pleated schoolgirl skirts and get the “Flavor of the Day”. Best custard in all of Wisconsin. Did I mention this place is 50's themed? And not in a tacky “we want to make money” sort of way? Well, maybe it is now...the novelty of the place has certainly worn off...but back in it's Hay Day...this place was my Rushmore.

Kroll's West

In the shadow of Lambeau Field. This is where everyone who is anyone gets fucked up before Packer games. It rules. Seriously. Cover Bands? Check. Cheese Curds? Check. An overwhelming abundance of Miller Lite? Check. Locals dressed in green and gold zebra print Zumbas? Double check. Butter Burgers? Good god....CHECK! I go here every time I'm home without fail.

Gas Stations

Only Green Bay would sell Davey Crocket hats (suitably next to the shirts with dog faces and lighter fluid) at their gas station.

Lambeau field

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAMBEEEEEEEAAAAAAUUUUUUUU FEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIILLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I honestly cannot even write a proper review for this place that can fully justify my unconditional love. If I could live here, I would. Apparently they allow weddings here, though....next best thing.

Some house that Caitlin “house-sits” for

The older couple who lives here rules. They are on the board of directors for the Packers. They have an entire room full of packer paraphernalia. They have a sauna, indoor pool, steam room, awesome dog named Molly, sun room, backyard to die for, amazing view of the entire city....I could really go on. I'm not rich by any means, so whenever my best friend Caitlin stays here...I get to pretend that I'm worthy of such luxuries.

CC's Bowling Alley

This place is right down the street from the barn that Caitlin works at. They have beers for like 70 cents....my mind was BLOWN the first time I went here. Friday night fish fries are probably amongst my top 20 favorite things of all time. Beer battered perch. Need I say more? Plus, it's crowded with old people who dress like cowboys.

Al's Hamburgers

You want a flashback? You got it. I used to come here all the time with my dad during his lunch break at work. We'd sit at the counter and talk to Al. He'd start us off with the usual Coke for my dad and a Chocolate Malt for me. Their malts are the best...they don't skimp on the ice cream and give you all the leftovers...two-malts-in-one, I'd always think. In the duration of all the chitter-chatter with the locals and a half devoured malt later...our cheeseburgers with a side of fries would be ready for consumption. Their patties are handmade and they have the best goddamn cooked down onions in the world...they disintegrate right next to the burgers on the large open grill. It'd take my dad and I approximately 10 minutes to finish our meal. We'd leave feeling like someone just gave us an hour long hug. This place will always be close to my heart.

I know my review of Green Bay is dominated by food, but it's what makes me feel comforted, okay? I'll always love this place and will always come back simply for my great friends that live there and my family that I adore. Although, these places are remnants of my past...I still have much to discover.

Dear Chicago,

You are my oyster.

Love,

Jen

The Moon Was High

"I can't...and I won't."

"This is how I feel and I need someone. I'm trying to tell you the truth for the first time in who-knows-how-long and you're so quick to shrug things off."

"What does it matter how you feel and what you need?'
"It matters the world to me. Can your small mind even comprehend how terrified I was to even share this idea with you? Can your female brain wrap itself around a single suggestion for once?"

"Helping you isn't an option to me at this point."

"Just give me a little something here..."

"There's nothing a man can do about fear, but he has to choose to be cowardly."